What is a Toxic relationship and how we sticks with it?

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Toxic relationships can be detrimental to our mental health and well-being, yet many of us find ourselves caught in them. These relationships are characterized by behaviors such as manipulation, control, jealousy, and emotional or physical abuse. While the reasons we stay in toxic relationships are complex and multifaceted, there are several psychological factors that can contribute to our reluctance to leave.


Fear of Being Alone

One of the most common reasons people stay in toxic relationships is fear of being alone. This fear can stem from a belief that we are unlovable or unworthy of love, which can lead us to believe that any relationship, even a toxic one, is better than being alone. We may also fear the unknown, the uncertainty of what our life would be like without our partner. However, it is important to recognize that being alone is not the same as being lonely, and that being in a toxic relationship can often leave us feeling more isolated and disconnected than being single.


Trauma Bonding

Trauma bonding is a psychological phenomenon in which a person becomes emotionally attached to someone who is abusive or harmful to them. This can occur when a toxic partner alternates between love and affection and abuse or neglect, creating a cycle of intense emotions and confusion. Over time, this can lead to a sense of dependency on the abusive partner, and make it difficult to leave the relationship. It is important to recognize that trauma bonding is not a sign of weakness or character flaw, but rather a result of the psychological impact of abuse.


Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem can make it difficult to leave a toxic relationship because we may believe that we do not deserve better treatment. We may feel as though we are not good enough, smart enough, or attractive enough to find someone else, and so we stay in the relationship out of a sense of resignation. However, it is important to recognize that our self-worth is not determined by our partner’s treatment of us, and that we deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.


Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon in which we hold two conflicting beliefs or ideas at the same time. In the context of toxic relationships, we may recognize that our partner’s behavior is harmful or abusive, but also believe that they love us and that the relationship has the potential to improve. This conflict can lead us to rationalize our partner’s behavior or to downplay the severity of the abuse, making it difficult to leave the relationship.


Attachment Style

Our attachment style, which is formed in childhood, can also play a role in our tendency to stay in toxic relationships. People with an anxious attachment style may be more likely to stay in a toxic relationship because they fear abandonment and feel a strong need for emotional connection. On the other hand, people with an avoidant attachment style may be more likely to avoid relationships altogether, or to end them abruptly when they feel uncomfortable or vulnerable.



In conclusion, toxic relationships can be difficult to leave due to a variety of psychological factors. However, recognizing these factors and seeking support from a psychologist can help us to break free from harmful patterns and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships. 


Remember, you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, and you are worthy of love and happiness.


Shamshi Mubarak

Psychologist- Mindmaris

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